You Know, I Had a Thought

How odd, I thought, to happen myself alone again, sitting here to believe once more than about the fluctuations on the singular form subject of love and

death...To say, that is, loving to decease and dying to love...Music as this impetuses throughout my witting head and makes there, amidst all

the other interior turmoil, a web of selfless and intrinsical desires - the desires of both tearing me asunder. Thus is born a mind of both

shadow and light, matter and air, love and hate, life and death.

To happen however, a combination of these most true to myself...Most true to my spirit...Yet also, least deadly to my soul's desires, gives

rise to the quiet demand of a solid foundation upon which to put bare my deciduous being, and then offer up my bare psyche to the love and

subsequent hurting of this lustful pursuit I desire.

It is a most glorious quest, though. A pursuit of sparkling, joyous artlessness - yet, soon, possibly artlessness lost. For it is also a conflict of

mortal wits, of iniquitous desires, and deviant, worldly, delights. And you will happen the way most easily taken to be inherently selfish. Quite

unmindful of the feelings or of the hurting inflicted on others just so you might undergo those sensuous delights. And then realize, also,

that soon, after a time, the pursuit will be over, and yet you will happen that the Holy Place Grail is elusively still out there, somewhere still waiting to

be found.

And then come ups the pain...The hurting amidst the realization...The realisation that nil will ever be the same...The realisation of

wasted years...Wasted, with nil to demo for them, nil of any consequence, to be sure. No true love to assist share the pain, no

God out there to perhaps explain, no 1 really at all to blame...No 1 that is, except yourself...None, finally...But yourself.

And then come up the tears. The crying for the unsaved...The unloved...The lost...Soul. The soul, once more than lost, finding itself once again,

loving to die...Or maybe, perhaps still in this lifetime...Maybe, with just a small luck, once again, dying to love...I don't know...I really don't

know...I was just thinking.